And who is chasing you?

One of my favorite movies is My Best Friends Wedding. One reason I love it, is cause it’s true to life in that you don’t always get your man. One of the best scenes is when she is chasing after her guy friend who is chasing after his bride to be, and while on the phone her gay best friend says to her “Who is chasing you?” The answer was no one. And sometimes that is the hard truth.

When I meet a guy I can’t get enough. I want to know everything about him. I want to know all his life up to this point and I want us to be as if we have know each other all our lives. I do this with most things, just to be clear. I find something I like, obsess over it for a bit, and then move on to something else. This might be why I have never dated anymore than a year and some change. But the point is I want to be near them and with them when I first meet. And often times I find that is not reciprocated. 

So you get bored. You shoot a text. Then you wait. And wait. What are they doing? Do they not like me? Are they with someone else?? It’s a horrible game of trying not to seem to eager but wanting more and the whole time trying to not let your crazy show. It’s exhausting. 

But trust me when I say, that if it’s real, and he is really interested, he will text. He will want to be around you just as much. He will send you the sweet good morning and good night texts. You will know that you were the first thing he thought about that morning, and you will smile. The hard part, is letting go of those who aren’t interested. 

So what do you do? 1. You get sexy. You send revealing pics and dirty texts. Boys lead with their dicks, so appeal to that thought. 2. You change. You act like your super interested in things they are so that you can talk about them. Or you all of sudden need them for something you don’t. Help moving, a ride somewhere, any excuse to see them. You become helpless. Gross. 3. you let the crazy out. Lately this has been my drug of choice, and let me tell you it’s a mood killer!

So here I sit. Waiting. I’ve got some balls up in the air, none of them calling. So I desperately throw some bait out, when what I really should be doing is the opposite. Fuck them, their loss. I am tired of wasting my time trying to get you to pay attention to me and to want me. You either do or you don’t. And if you don’t I will find someone who will. You have to look at your relationships like the chase scene in the movie and have your gay best friend ( which I do happen to have), ask you the most important question: And who is chasing you?

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Let’s just change everything again why don’t we

So why not. Let’s try this blog thing for the fourth time and see what happens. This time I am using it more as a diary, so prepare yourself for some serious TMI. Also, get ready for rants. Lots of rants. Mostly about boys and life and dating and work and being a bigger girl in a barbie world and boys. Mostly boys. 

So here we are. May 15th. No better time to change your whole idea of life and what you want from it right?

I stick to the idea that you don’t know what you want till you get what you want and you see if you like it. So I tried things. I tried dating, sleeping around, poly, and kink. And you know what I found out?? Although I don’t mind any of it, and the end of the day, I want to come home to a boring house with a sweet husband and a cute dog. I tried to tell myself I needed to go out and be crazy and do all the things before I settled down, but today it feels forced. Today, everything changed. Again.

I guess this is in part because of being me and Sagittarius. How I feel about something one day can change the next. I am a fire sign, and like fire, I change things. I burn them down, melt them, smolder on ideas, and destroy. I transform, like a phoenix  more times then any one person should. But here I am!

So call me crazy but I am going to do another 180! Get ready, more to come, but right now I am hopeful and excited and motivated and all that good stuff. So I want to remember this feeling when I am frustrated and ready to give up, which will happen a million times over. So cheers to new beginnings. Again.