Everybody’s got a hungary heart…

This was going to be a college level paper, but who am i kidding…

So in case you haven’t noticed society today LOVES vampires. We can’t get enough of them! From Buffy to True Blood, Twilight to Vampire Diaries…vampires are the new black. So what has brought about this new found love for guys who really deep down want to kill us and drink our blood. Let me think….

One thing I love about the Vampire boys is that they are both a giant emo pussies and a kick ass biker dude in one. For example Angel, he is all emo and moody cause he is cursed with a conscious, but when it’s time to kick ass and protect his lady he is on it! Twilight’s Edward is a sweet piano playing no sex till marriage (very Jonas brothers) but if you want to hurt his woman he will throw you out a fucking window while ripping your head off and setting you on fire. Sigh, how romantic! So in modern terms it equates to a guy who loves museums and the opera, but if some guy insulted you at a bar he would kick the shit out of him, and win. I don’t know about you ladies, but that to me is AWESOME! Here’s the deal boys, girls don’t dig girly men, they want fighters who will protect and kick ass for us!

The first vampire craze came with Bram Stoker’s Dracula which was written in 1897, around the end of the Victorian era. The book was meant for those who could read, which would be the upper class. Now what do we know about a Victorian lady? Well she doesn’t have much of a say in her life, nor does she really have a say in who she marries or what she does. She isn’t going off to school, she isn’t getting a job anytime soon, and to top it all off everyone thinks she is dumb.
Now I could see where being stuck in a loveless marriage would drive you to the undead, but what about today? We as women are told that we are just as good as men, and can do anything we want! We get to be all sexual, and most of all we get to decide our future…yet here we are wanting the same thing; vampire loving.

I mean how can we go wrong with a man who will never die, never look older, is beautiful in all ways, and is totally living just for us. It’s sad to me that life just isn’t like this, so are we as women just setting ourselves up for disappointment. And what is it in our genetic makeup that craves this so much!?!? I feel like Twilight is going to cause thousands of teenage girls to have the wrong idea about love, and therefore wait forever for something that’s never going to happen. But at least they will all be virgins. Sucks to be you teenage boys!

Please leave a comment on you thoughts.

Entering the 3-0 club!

So this month I turned 30.  Some people find this turning 30 a hard and depressing event. I was determined to welcome it with open arms.  I surrounded myself with the best family & friends ever, which made me so thankful for where my life had taken me.

Ok,  I don’t want to get too sappy let’s talk about what is to come.

What oh what do my 30s have in store for me. Well the job is taken care of,  I have an awesome job I love.  I am going to let you all know that my 30s will see me in more plays (or at least auditioning for more). I feel the call of the stage,  so you better all come out to support me!!! My 30s may lead to husband and family, but one thing at a time people! I just bought a cat for God’s sake!

The one thing that Suez and I decided as well is that 2010 is the year of the MAN! And we need to get some! But where to find one, I ask. I take a moment to think about where I have met other boys in my life, and besides the boring work/school/theatre there have been some odd places. One was at the Mermaid. That’s right, the Maid. A boy walked by and thought I was cute and bought me a drink, which never happened to me before (or again for that matter). Needless to say that boy had two kids, and tons of crazy. The second place was the gas station. I was pumping gas, and over the load speaker thing was a boy asking me out, so I went in and gave him my number. Hmmm…not sure what happened to that boy. Third place was the casino. I was playing blackjack at a table, and a boy started to chat with me and then we exchanged numbers on the way out. The forth, and probably the oddest was in a hotel hallway. I should point out here that I didn’t even remember how I met this boy until Andrew reminded me today. I was at a birthday up in St. Cloud and we were staying in a hotel. When walking through the hall we ran into a boy, who had no pants on. So what else do you do with a half naked boy in a hotel hallway than make out with him under the staires! ( not my proudest moment, but a great story!)

So now I would like to hear from all of you in honor of my birthday is the weirdest story of how/where you hooked up with someone. The winner gets…umm…a peanut M&M….and a hug from Santa.

SO GO, tell your stories people!!!

The entitlement of a bike…and Runway spoilers!!

I would like to start this blog by saying it would make a great drinking game if you took a shot every time i say the word “guess” or “fuck”.

Go

So yesterday I took my dog Oscar for walk. I do this almost everyday, when it’s not raining which it does a lot lately. The walk we take is on the trail behind my work, which is part of the Three Rivers Park District. As we make it up the hill to the trail I see there is a cyclist on the trail. I then simply watch in horror as my dog runs right in front of him, almost getting run over. The cyclist turns to me and says “get a leash lady!” and I simply shrug, the leash in hand. Now I understand the rules of the trail are to keep the dogs on a leash, but Oscar is well-trained and there is not usually much traffic when I take him out so I like to let him run around for a bit . And the second point I would like to make is FUCK YOU BIKER! Guess what!? You DO NOT have the right of way all the fucking time on trails, sidewalks and roads!! I am so sick of this sort of entitlement that cyclist have! Where does it come from, I ask myself. Maybe they feel they are better than those who drive because they feel they are single-handedly saving the planet. Or maybe they are better than us because instead of being lazy they are biking in spandex on a tiny bike, really fast. Whatever reason it is, it is unfounded.

First off I believe that biking is a great idea. Since I moved closer to my work I have biked to work on many occasions. It is a great for of exercise and it is good for the environment. But do I judge those who don’t bike, no.

Second, here is the deal cyclists, you may not like to hear this, but rules apply to you as well!! If there is a stop sign on the road, guess the fuck what, YOU NEED TO STOP. Zipping through intersections is NOT the right thing to do. Also, get the fuck off the sidewalk if people are walking on it. I hate cyclists that get irritated by me walking on the sidewalk, guess what dickhead that’s what it’s there for, get your ass on the street. And once your ass is on the street how about you don’t bike 2 miles away from the god damn curb so I can’t pass you in my polar bear killing car.

I think that about sums it up. Now on to the Runway.

Thank the Gods that Christopher went the fuck home! Don’t get me wrong, I started out loving my hometown boy just as much as the rest of you, but that shit got old fast. Why do you cry so much Chris!? Why do you make such ugly things Chris?? Part of my new found hate for Chris stems from two things he said on the show. The first was when he was bragging once again about being self-taught and not going to school blah blah blah. At one point he said something about not having a “piece of paper” meaning a diploma from a college. (sigh) I absolutely mother fucking hate it when people who DON’T have college degrees refer to a diploma as a “piece of paper”. I’m sorry that for some reason or other you couldn’t/wouldn’t go to college and you are now bitter and have low self-esteem because of it, but don’t you dare belittle all my hard work and money that I put into getting mine. Guess what Chris? I EARNED my “piece of paper” and yes it makes me more well-rounded and better educated than you, get the fuck over it.The second thing Chris said that really pissed me off was in the last episode he said he came from a “small” town in Minnesota. Ummmm…YOUR FROM FUCKING SHAKOPEE!!! That “small” town of yours has Valley Fair, the Ren Fest, Canterbury Park and a fucking casino!! I don’t know why are you are trying to sound like you grew up in hicksville nowhere! But alas, he goes home and life on the Runway is as it should be.

To end this blog I would just like to say happy friday and i hope everyone gets to enjoy this beautiful weather tomorrow!

Supporting the Theatre

This past weekend I attended two awesome shows here in the cities. One was Creature Feature at Brave New Workshop and the other was the Three Ring of Terror at Lowery Lab. The second show made me want to throw up about 20 times, but was still awesome. Shout out here to Timmy and Kim and Joe!!

The point I am trying to make is that since I have not been doing a lot theatre myself I feel another way I can contribute is to see as much theatre as I can. AND, here is the kicker, actually PAY to see theatre. My new biggest pet peeve (after people who knit in public) is people who you invite to a play and they say, “well can you get me free tickets”. Here is the deal, I certainly don’t work at my job for free, so we shouldn’t expect are actors to work for free. And most actors don’t even get paid, so suck it up and pay the damn 12 dollars. Speaking of shows, the Rockstar Storeytellers have a show this Sunday the 1st at Bryant Lake Bowl, it will be 12 dollars to see it, don’t fucking ask me to get you in for free. Mostly cause I can’t get you in free anyway.

So to sum up, go see some theatre, and pay to see it. You will not be sorry.

 

The never happy middle moose…

I don’t ever change the toilet paper roll. I see the roller as a unnecessary middle man in my quest to use the toilet paper. So when the role is empty I simple throw it away, and set a new role on the back of the toilet. The reason I bring this up at all is that when ever someone visits my apartment and they use the bathroom they feel the need to put the toilet paper on the roller. Listen, I don’t come to your apartment and move the furniture around do I?? So WHY would you put the TP on the roller!!! I guess people think they are helping me out, doing what it seems I am too lazy to do. But I am not lazy, I don’t want the TP on the roler, so STOP putting it there. In fact, when I am done with this blog I am going to hide the roller….

New favorite thing on the world: Mooses.

Look at how big that thing is!!!! I want one!! Do you hear me people, my birthday is fast approaching and I want a giant Moose that I can ride!!! Then I will start a Moose sanctuary to raise them and love them.

Lastly, I heard the news that Joss Whedon is going to direct an episode of Glee. I guess he’s just directing so I shouldn’t be too scared, cause if he wrote the episode we all know it would end with someone either dying or heartbroken. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Joss Whedon, but he NEVER lets anyone be happy! Case in point:

(Spoiler Alert to anyone who has not seen everything Joss has done for TV)

1.Buffy loves Angel, Angel leaves

2. Giles loves Jenny, Jenny dies

3. Spike loves Drusilla, Drusilla leaves

4. Spike loves Buffy, Spike dies (Buffy universe, not Angel)

5. Willow loves Oz, Oz leaves

6. Willow loves Tara, Tara dies

7. Zander loves Anya, Zander walks out on her at the wedding

8. Angel loves Cordelia, Cordelia goes to a higher plane of existence

9. Wesley loves Fred, Fred dies

10. Dr Horrible loves Penny, Penny dies

11. The only happily married couple ever on a Joss Whedon show-Wash and Zoe- well heaven forbid we can’t have happy married people–DIE  WASH!!

I’m sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now. Point being Joss Whedon does not like happy functional relationships, ever.

Being sick makes me cranky…

first off let me just give a disclaimer, I am going to bitch a lot in this blog.

Ok, first off I hate kids. Therefore I hate MEA week  for not having school and letting those kids run rapid. I also hate people who shop at Costco. First i have to wait 20 minutes to park cause everyone is fighting for the closest spot and will sit and wait Forever for it. Then it’s just a fucking mad house inside. Everyone just stops in the middle of the aisle, then proceeds to walk away to look at something while their huge ass cart continues to sit in my way. Then there was the stupid bitch who when i was leaving the parking lot decided to walk down the middle of the god damn street so i couldn’t pass her. I did tho proceed to roll down my window and yell at her, calling her a bitch. In retrospect i apologize to the bitch lady for yelling at her for being inconsiderate and stupid. Sidenote: Costco has Snuggies for 20 bucks.

I also hate geese. There are tons of geese that are constantly around my apartments due to the fact i live across the street from a lake and park. lately, the geese have decided they need to hang out in my front yard and parking lot. This wouldn’t be so bad except that geese shit, a lot, all over. And they hiss.

I also hate the parents of the balloon boy. Your kid is puking, please take him to his room and let him get better. That is what good parents do, they take care of their kids and don’t use them for publicity stunts.

On less hateful news, I saw my mysterious across the hall neighbor today. I have lived here almost 6 months, and this is the first time i have seen him. I saw he run out of the apt building with a backpack on and then run back in an hour later. weird. I think a study is in order.

On a totally unrelated note i would like to be a member of the Quizos Subs marketing team. We all remember the Spongemonkeys, how they were funny but kinda disgusting and not really something that puts you in the mood to eat. But that jingle will live in my heart forever. Now they have the overly sexual toaster oven that simply makes me uncomfortable. WTF advertising people!! Who thinks these things up, and why am i not part of that team!!

I will end this blog with a quick update on my health. The fever has finally left me, but the cough and achy body seem fit to stick around a little bit longer. I am sad to be missing out on a play tonight, but hopefully will be in full force to kick some ASS in poker tomorrow night! I would also like to give a big shout out to my Dad for coming over yesterday to bring me food, and for cooking me some soup!!!

Just some random thoughts….

I just thought i would start a blog to say all the random things that go on in my head during the day. Here we go:

I think Oscar is in his teenage years for a dog, he really pushes the limits with me lately.

I am happy there is less snow on the ground now than there was this morning.

I wish it was warmer out so i could wear my new coat and not freeze to death.

Is super pissed at the fucking Yankees.

My fantasy football team is on a major ass-whopping comeback.

This is my new favorite video

I got a new kick ass lamp for my desk at work. And yes, i realalize how lame that sounded